so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
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This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
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I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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