so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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