he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
