Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
