You're my little dorito
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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