it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
