I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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