So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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