If that was your dad, he is hot
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
