what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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