fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Randomize
