I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I cannot find my penis.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
why do cheetos always look like penises
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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