I'm jealous of your bromance
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
