I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
