I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
