So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
