no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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