Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
