i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
