I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
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