after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
This is my gift to your gina
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Randomize