now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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