If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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