someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
A+ Viking dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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