something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
