Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
