no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
