4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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