she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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