she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
