My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
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