Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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