In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
