John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize