dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
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You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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