If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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