it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
