Dude my mom stole all your condoms
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
