so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
