I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
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