Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
