It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
