Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
