She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
