youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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