): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
