Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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