We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
