Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
