Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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