the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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