wanna go halves on a baby?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
