So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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