Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You are the jesus of drinking
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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