I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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