Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
