we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
