Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
