she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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