Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Nicole vs. Life
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
