And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
