I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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