For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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