We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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