I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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