O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
