Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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