Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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