It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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