will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I would ride that face into the sunset
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
