Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
