My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
This house was built for laser tag.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
