i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
