I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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