Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
