Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
